A note for you, if you’re having a bad day.
Dear Friend,
Have I told you about my super-long coat?
When I first moved to Chicago I bought a too-big coat that hit right at the hips. It was expensive and by a hip brand, and I was sure it would do the trick in winter storms, even though it was bulky and made me look like a literal house. (Truly, I mean this literally. It was sort of square-shaped, so I always thought I kind of looked like I had a house costume on. Not a sexy Halloween house costume, either.) I was wrong, though. I spent several years trying to figure out how to layer wool tights and pants so that my legs wouldn’t get frostbite, but I was still always cold.
Then I upgraded to the popular mid-thigh-length coat. It was an on-sale North Face coat — a brand with the word “North” in it, so I figured it would HAVE to be warm enough. And yes, it was better. I was incapable of keeping it clean, and I ripped it a lot of times, so the filling started coming out, but I was no longer concerned with looking put-together when wearing a winter coat, so I taped it up with duct tape and embraced its flaws. But my duct tape is hot pink, and a lot of people asked me what was up with all the pink duct tape, and then suggested that I should have sewn the holes with thread. “Should have” is such a useless set of words, folks.
Anyway, last year I decided I was done suffering. I had seen people wearing floor-length puffer coats and had silently judged them as looking ridiculous and not being badass enough to really handle the cold weather. But one November day, waiting for the train in two pairs of pants that felt bulky, tight, and STILL COLD, I thought, “I could just have a coat that goes all the way to the ground.” And while riding the train, I found the sale section of Land’s End (an uncool brand with nothing wintry in its name, but WHATEVER), looked at the five floor-length winter coat options, and bought the one that seemed longest.
This is one of the best decisions I’ve EVER. MADE.
That January, I walked to the lake every day. It was easy in the long coat! The coat was ugly and it got stained immediately (maybe opt for black when you buy yours), but who cares? I listened to music and didn’t think about what other people thought about my coat. And the thing I didn’t used to really understand about the winter is that it helps to go outside.
You might not like outside. As a child, I didn’t. It took me such a long time to understand a few things about outside:
You don’t have to run fast, climb trees, or do athletic things while you’re outside.
You don’t have to be extreme, or “good at” being outside. Outside is for everyone!
You don’t have to go outside for a long time to reap the benefits of outside.
THERE ARE BIRDS OUT THERE!!!
If you are not the right temperature while you’re outside, you can put on clothes or take clothes off, and that will probably help.
Outside does not need to have a purpose or an agenda. You don’t have to go anywhere or do anything. Just being out there and looking around is enough.
You can walk slowly. And if your feet hurt, you might need different shoes.
Years ago I got this fitness book called “Fit By Nature.” (As an aside, I LOVE fitness books. I appreciate how they are contained. They have plans inside of them. They are not infinite like the Internet, or fitness apps, and there are no surprising advertisements or hidden costs, either. They’re simple, and they have pictures [usually], and you can look at them in bed and dog-ear them, and in the morning you can find your place easily without having to take screen shots or anything.) It remains my favorite-ever fitness book, partially for this one bit of wisdom I return to all the time. In the introduction, the book says that you can exercise in any kind of weather, and had suggestions for how to exercise when it is deeply cold or wild-hot or pouring rain. In New Orleans, where there are a lot of torrential storms, I bought Gortex rain pants, and learned to ride my bike in rain storms, which I came to really enjoy.
Now, I have this super-long coat.
Buying weather-specific clothing can be expensive, and I try to keep this newsletter away from expensive things, because everyone should have access to self-care. But I’ll say that getting clothing that’s specifically built for the worst weather in your particular biome is more worthwhile than taking a vacation (!?!?!!). This sounds ludicrous, but I’m not backing down. Your rain-proof pants or floor-length coat or moisture-wicking tank top or merino wool tights give you access to everyday vacations in your own back yard.
If you are hibernating right now, and still feeling pretty sad, go outside. Be in the sun, experience the air. Let yourself get hungry or thirsty; it feels great to eat or drink when you come back inside from an expedition. Going outside can help you remember that you belong to the earth; and that will remind you to protect it. Oh, and if you go out there, and it’s HORRIBLE: buy an ugly-ass to-the-floor coat.
Love,
Sophie
Add this to your to-do list.
Go outside.
A drawing.
Here’s a Venn diagram I drew a while ago that I found again and really like.
What’s on my mind this week.
(This will be about new parenthood. Skip it if you don’t want to read about new parenthood.)
T cries a lot, and I often cry when T cries. I hope that this is OK, and not traumatizing to her. I hope it doesn’t feel unsafe to her little infant self that I hold her into my chest and also heave out sobs while she is doing the same thing. I’m not crying because she is crying and I hate that she’s crying; I’m crying because I don’t love to be caught crying, and she is soooooo much louder than I am that no one can hear me cry when I’m with her. I find this cathartic, like we’re both just trying to survive, using our respective self-soothing mechanisms to take care of ourselves in difficult moments. Kind of like we are in a crying club, where it’s two members and we just meet up to cry. I want to clarify that I’m not actively neglecting this baby when she’s crying. I try to feed her, I try to rock her, I’m not ignoring her. Sometimes babies just have to cry. Their tummies get sick, or something is bothering them that we’ll never be able to understand. Crying Club meets only when we’ve exhausted the options of what might be wrong, and now the crying needs to play itself out. I hope that she knows that I am the grown-up, and she doesn’t have any responsibility to make me feel better. (But actually, she is making me feel better? Because it’s kind of nice to cry with someone else, somehow?) I doubt that I’m damaging her; she’s an infant. But it’s all quite mysterious. And I sure cry a LOT, and maybe it’s because my mom did it in from of ME when I was an infant. On the other hand, crying is awesome. It’s full of natural painkillers.
Extras.
Today is Groundhog Day! It is my FAVORITE DAY. Here is an article I wrote that explains why!
The New York Times published this very compelling brand new scientific research about groundhogs yesterday, too, and it is actually really good?
Speaking of the NYT, Kat sent me this great article about an 8-year-old who did the best prank I’ve ever heard of.
I finally saw “Encanto.” It’s good, but proceed with caution: you will probably never get the songs out of your head. (Also, I cried VERY HARD.)
I was making a syllabus for my humor-writing class and decided to assign the complete “Super Mutant Magic Academy” by Jillian Tamaki, which I think is legitimately my favorite book.
I love the music of Silvana Estrada; dreamy, perfect for drawing to.
OK, this video about a squirrel maze is the first thing that really effectively made me fall head-over-heels in love with squirrels. And the ending made me cry and you should watch it.
Miyoko’s vegan cream cheese is a level up from other vegan cream cheeses. It’s nutty; it’s its own thing. I can’t imagine not finding it delightful.
I love your long coat. I saw it in Dec. It's perfect. And the country is in an incredible storm situation so going outside may be just the thing!!