(More Than) 21 Things: GIFT GUIDE
All the things I think you should buy, make, and do for other people for the holidays.
My Sweet Friends!
This newsletter mostly contains the same recommendations I made last year, but I have added six more things to the bottom of the list, and deleted some things that felt superfluous.
Have fun gifting! I always do.
Gifts That Cost No Money:
1. Explicitly tell people that you love them.
Tell your chosen family that you consider them family. More than that, tell them how grateful you are that they’re your family, and remind them that you love them unconditionally. “I want you to know that even if you took my car and crashed it into my favorite tree, destroying the car AND the tree, I would still love you just as much as I do now. My love for you is the same as all the mass in the universe: it can’t be destroyed. It is, simply, a fact,” you might say to them. Or some iteration of that. One thing I’ve learned writing this newsletter is that so many people beat themselves up. People (maybe even YOUR people!) want to be cared for, but they suspect that they’re not deserving of care, or that care is not available to them. Put it into words: they are worthy, they are deserving, and they are possessing. Now and always. They are your family.
2. Spend time.
In a study that Lydia Denworth cites in her book on the science of friendship, a researcher named Jeff Hall determined that it takes between 40 and 60 hours for an acquaintance to become a casual friend, between 80 to 100 hours for a casual friendship to become a sturdy friendship, and over 200 hours of time together before someone is considered a “best friend.” Denworth adds, “How people spent those hours mattered. By itself, time is not enough, nor is proximity.” There’s an important balance of both intimacy and joking around that has to exist in order to build a quality relationship. In general, researches have found, the quality of relationships is dependent on emotional energy. Insist on putting some time on the calendar with your family. This is the biggest gift you can give — and its residuals aren’t too shabby, either.
3. Relax into listening.
When you are at a gathering, having a conversation, totally relax while you’re listening to someone else talk. This means: don’t think about your phone, don’t think about what’s going on in the next room, don’t think about what you’re going to say next or ask next or do next to keep the conversation interesting; don’t even think about what it means to be “actively listening,” with all the right “mms” and eye contact and nodding. When someone starts talking to you, intentionally relax your shoulder blades, release your jaw, and pay attention to the person you’re with the way you pay attention to a delicious book or a TV show. Become curious and try to believe that nothing about this situation is scary or threatening. Give your family the gift of truly enjoying their company. It’s a big one.
Gifts That Cost A Little Money
4. A photo book from a specific outing or day or trip. (From $7.99.)
Do you to that thing where you take waaaay too many pictures all at once? Like, the day you went to the sculpture garden with your friends, you took 350 photos that are basically very similar? And now they’re clogging up your phone? Print THEM ALL OUT in one relatively inexpensive book. (I use Chatbooks, but there are tons of places that are itching to be in the business of doing this for you.) Give a copy to each of the friends you went on the outing with, keep one for yourself, and delete the pictures. A thoughtful gift and a helpful phone-clearing task, rolled into one. Voila.
5. A spice and a recipe. (From $5.)
Print out a copy of a recipe you enjoyed making this year, and then buy a high-end version of one of the spices required for the recipe. I always buy from Burlap and Barrel because I’m obsessed with their cinnamon, so I have to buy a bunch of that every year anyway.
6. Dried fruit, a poem, and $5.
This is my favorite “whenever” present, and it has been since my mom mailed me this gift when I was in college. She sent a bag of dried mangos, a printed-out Wallace Stevens poem, and a $5 bill in a manilla envelope, and I thought, “This ticks every box.” It felt thoughtful without feeling overly sentimental; it felt useful without feeling extravagant; it felt pleasurable without feeling unhealthy. I’ve done this multiple times when it’s someone’s birthday and I don’t know what else to do. Everyone always loves it.
7. Your personal favorite pen. (From $1.)
When in doubt, a pen and a blank card (with a stamp on the envelope for bonus points) it is a great gift. Include a handwritten letter folded neatly in the card, explaining what you love about the person who you’re giving the gift to, and then tell them to pass the love along to someone else — you’ve included all the supplies they need to do so! I have linked to the Energel Clena, the best pen I know.
8. Truffle salt and popcorn. (From $10.)
Is anything better than truffle salt on popcorn? No. If you’re feeling fancy, you can also get them a silicon microwave popcorn maker. It feels like no one believes that this is the best way to make popcorn in the known universe (how COULD it be?), but it REALLY TRULY IS.
9. Byrd Baylor books. (From $5.)
These books are a perfect gift for every person of every age (I recommend “I’m In Charge of Celebrations,” “Everybody Needs A Rock,” “The Table Where Rich People Sit,” and “The Way To Start A Day”). The only problem is that they’re all slim paperbacks, which sometimes doesn’t feel fancy enough for a gift. You can add a set of colored pencils to this gift to make it a little more deluxe. After you read a Byrd Baylor book illustrated by Peter Parnall, you’re going to want to color.
10. A ceramic pie dish. (From $15.)
I have been given three of these in my life, and they’re some of my favorite things that I own. You can give them with a pie recipe, or with a jar of Burlap and Barrel royal cinnamon (see above), or filled with shiny wrapped chocolates. But if you want this to be THE BEST GIFT EVER, bake a pie in the pie dish. I’m already jealous of whomever you are giving this to.
11. Comic strips. (From $20 or so.)
Collections of newspaper comic strips are my favorite. You can read them non-linearly, and they bring everyone joy. I recommend “Cul de Sac,” “Moomin,” “Krazy Kat,” and “Calvin and Hobbes.”
12. A homemade clock. ($3.50.)
I keep a draw full of these clock movements from American Science and Surplus for any time I need a quick art project; they’re so easy it feels like a trick. You can put this clock movement on anything you can punch a hole in: I like to use corrugated cardboard that I’ve collaged and Mod Podged. You can literally use a crushed pop can if you want. The possibilities are endless.
13. A loaded thumb drive. (From $5.)
Fill a thumb drive with digital ephemera that reminds you of your person. You can put mp3s, photos, short videos, or text files with URLs for websites that you like. You could load up a shareware game or two, or build a PPT. Put everything in cutely-titled folders. This gift is a project, but it’s also a great way to give something small that’s actually enormous.
14. Your favorite peanut butter and a peanut butter stirrer. (From $15.)
Isn’t it annoying how you have to stir natural peanut butter, but otherwise there is sugar in the peanut butter? YES. IT IS. Last year, I discovered that there is a simple tool that you screw on to a regular peanut butter container, and then you turn it, and then the peanut butter is stirred. No mess, no fuss, no dried-out-chunks on the bottom of the jar. Get a nice jar of PB to go with this, and you have found a perfect gift.
15. A Passion Planner and stickers. (From $35.)
This is the object in my life I cannot live without THE MOST. In fact — it would make sense if you just wanted to buy this for YOURSELF and call it a day. This goes really well with Just Any Old Stickers.
16. A whimsical spreader and some jam. (From $15.)
If you’re feeling crafty, you can make your own jam (or marmalade, to keep things seasonal). My friends and I used to make a whole day out of crafting a huge batch of Meyer lemon curd every December. Canning can be tricky, so either do this with someone who knows how, or strap in for a difficult time, or choose not to do it at all and tell people they have to eat your jam by New Years, because IT ISN’T SEALED! That’s fine. Give it along with a cute spreader. Listen: no one has enough of these, and then when you have one, and people come over, you’re so glad you have it. Butter? Spreadable cheese? All much cuter with a spreader.
17. Great markers. (From $10.)
In a massive search for some stamper markers, I found this website that has a ton of really cool marker creations. They have stampers, and markers that change colors when you mix them, and brush pens, and markers shaped inexplicably like cats.
18. Make Caramels. (From $10.)
Making caramels is easy and fun and fills your kitchen with really lovely smells. It’s trickier when you’re trying to make them vegan (and I usually am), but this is the best recipe for that, and if you have a vegan friend, imagine how thrilled they’ll be to get a cute little box filled with caramels YOU MADE without any dairy. (Coconut cream works well, too.)
19. Thrift Shop With Someone In Mind.
I dated someone once whose mom always gave gifts from treasure hunts at thrift stores. I was shocked to see how much more meaningful these gifts were than brand-new purchases — and how much more surprising and cool they were, too! Since then, I’ve done this for my husband several times, and it’s really great. I can fill a box with 15 shirts I think he’ll like for the price of one of those shirts brand new — plus, he knows I went out and hunted for him, and he doesn’t have to feel bad if he doesn’t like the shirt and wants to re-donate it. The mom who gave thrifted gifts always put a little extra effort into cleaning up whatever she bought, or painting her kids’ names on things in careful fonts.
20. My favorite hat (Madewell, from $20 on sale)
These hats are perpetually on sale, and they’re great. They’re really big and warm and they’re the only hats that we wear in the Chicago winter.
21. Something from SOPHIE LUCIDO JOHNSON’S STORE!
GIVE SOMEONE THE GIFT OF AN EXPERIENCE: A LIVE ZOOM WATERCOLOR CLASS!
I am offering THREE NEW BIRD PAINTING CLASSES.
One is a four-session Wednesday afternoon class.
All classes take place over Zoom. If you want to buy one of these as a gift for a friend, I’ll send a gift card to you that explains what the class is and that it has been a gift FROM YOU.
AN INFORMATIVE AND COOL T-SHIRT!
It has edible flowers and a bird on it! And it says EAT MORE FLOWERS! And it is PINK!!!! Anyway, inventory is heavily stocked on these.
A CUTE CARD SET!
There is a new card set, AND I restocked the old one!
A GIFT SUBSCRIPTION TO THIS NEWSLETTER, WHICH COMES WITH A CARD IN THE MAIL WITH SOME STICKERS!
If you are interested in buying a GIFT SUBSCRIPTION for a friend as a holiday present, GREAT! I’ll be mailing Gift Cards to people who are given gift subscriptions this year. The cards will come with a sticker and some little ephemera, and a note about all the things that come with a paid subscription, and I’ll send these gift cards IN THE MAIL! I like when someone gets to open something, and a gift subscription doesn’t usually offer that, so why not change that? If you order a gift subscription for a friend, I’ll follow up with an email asking for a mailing address for the gift card pack! If you don’t get an email from me within three days, assume I somehow lost the alert from your subscription, and send ME an email. WE WILL MAKE SURE THESE ALL GO IN THE MAIL! (You can also buy a gift subscription for yourself, which is also known as a paid subscription, and I’ll send you the SAME WELCOME CARD WITH TREATS! This is a deeply limited time offer.)
(Because it costs more than $5 to make these packs and mail them, this offer is only for the $50 yearly subscriptions.)
ORIGINAL ART!
I am selling all the art I made while I was teaching the first bird class (as well as a few other things). These are original paintings, shrink-wrapped and put on museum-quality backing, and I think that I have probably not priced them correctly, since they’re all between $25 and $65, and that is apparently not enough for original artwork. Maybe I’ll reexamine this model in the future.
Gifts for your Extra Capacity.
Sometimes you’re scraping the bottom of your personal barrel, and you have nothing extra to give. Other times, your capacity can be a little more expansive, and it can be hard to know what to do with your auxiliary time or money or energy. Here are a few suggestions.
Take out $20 in ones.
I try to do this once a month (although I hate going into the bank to do it). I take out $20 to $100 in $1 or $5 bills and fill my pockets with them. Then, whenever someone asks me for money, I give them money. That’s all there is to it.
Buy bulk instant hand and foot warmers and granola bars.
For a few years, I’ve joined friends in making big Zip-Locks full of hand warmers and granola bars for folks who are sleeping outside on the coldest days. There are plenty of reasons people can’t or don’t go to shelters in the winter, and it can be a deadly time to be outside.
Become a penpal.
If you like writing letters, there’s someone out there who will like reading them. Write to a person who wishes they had a grandchild. Write to a young woman going through a difficult life transition. Write to a child in the foster care system. Write to someone who’s incarcerated. Your writing could mean a lot to someone.
Volunteer locally.
Find out where volunteers are needed in your neighborhood. If you’re hoping to dip your toe into giving some time, the best place to start is near where you live. It’ll be easier to get there when it’s cold, and your work will have a direct impact on your community. Among the best ways to combat gentrification is to be directly invested in your neighborhood community.
Donate coats, shoes, and blankets.
This time of year, there will be drives for cold weather essentials. Immigrant families especially often end up in the United States without clothes that match our sometimes-difficult winters. Find out where you can drop off your old stuff, and be sure to wash it first.
dear sophie,
thank you for this banger of a gift list!
worth the cost of admission for this one alone:
"Gifts That Cost No Money:
1. Explicitly tell people that you love them."
come for the something! stay for the everything!
love,
myq
The pie dish is really great. But jeez, who could break into that beautiful pie. It is gorgeous.