Would you like to buy this print? Every week, there will be ten prints (and that’s it, forever) available for $9 each (including shipping). Each 5x5” print is numbered and signed. Be sure to choose “WEEKLY PRINTS ONLY” for your shipping option at checkout. Here’s that link again.
A note for you, if you’re having a bad day.
Hi There My Friend,
We are deep into what I like to call “The Sugar Holidays” (alternatively “The Chocolate Holidays,” “The Candy Holidays,” or “High Fructose Corn Syrup Season”). These begin with Halloween and conclude with Valentine’s Day, and use the fastest, most legal drug (sugar) to help people deal with the fact that it’s really dark and cold and they are not getting the opportunity to sleep enough. I am SO not immune to the pull of sugar, by the way, and I don’t try to be. There is an unspoken understanding this time of year that we are all going to consume a TON of cookies, cakes, pies, chocolate, and wine, and no one is going to judge anyone else for consuming too much.
Then, right in the middle of The Sugar Holidays, on January 1, everyone collectively has had too much, and feels horrible and guilty, and believes that they have eaten more poorly than everyone else. “Oh my God, I had 9,000 calories every single day since October 31, and it is a terrible and unique problem,” you might think. “I have been sneaking to the fridge every night at midnight to have a whole bunch of biscuits, and no one knows what a glutton I truly am,” you might think. Then, you might decide to set a secret resolution. Publicly, you won’t tell anyone, because it’s very uncool to be dieting; but privately, you decide that you are going to stop eating sugar altogether, or you’re going to count your calories, or you’re going to stop having gluten, or you’re going to go to the gym every single day. (Hey, there’s a really great New Year’s deal on that diet app you’ve been eyeing! Eighty percent off this month only! You’d be a fool not to take advantage of it.)
Here I will note that you may not have been socialized to be told that you need to diet. Maybe January 1 comes and you do not feel compelled to have more salads than you really want to have. But I have never really met anyone totally immune to The Sugar Holidays. And I have a few things to say:
We are often shamed about eating, so a lot of people don’t make public how much they’re really consuming. You are not the only person who is putting away more cookies than you want to admit. A lot of people fill themselves with guilt about overeating this time of year, and privately berate themselves, promising to “do better tomorrow.” It’s not just you. We just don’t have the cultural tools to really talk about eating.
By which I mean: it is possible to eat too much; but if you talk about that, you might be accused of acquiescing to diet culture. It is possible to unhealthily obsess over what you’re putting in your body; but if you problematize that, you might be accused of not caring enough about your health. We have not yet established a way for people to normalize the discussion of disordered eating. In reality, it is common enough that I feel confident writing about it in a universal way. (I am doing that right now!)
Sugar is addictive. It does the same stuff to your brain that cocaine does. But I’m not saying you should stop eating sugar! I am saying that thinking about your relationship with sugar and considering ways in which you might be more mindful about how you consume it could be a lovely exercise in self-care.
It is not your fault that you’re eating more sugar, salt, fat, and processed food this time of year. Too much is being asked of your body. You probably need more sleep than you’re getting. You probably need more quiet. Systems of oppression and capitalism have made you believe that it is normal to be spread too thin in these long, cold months. It makes sense that we have made comfort foods readily available this time of year: they help us feel better, if only for a short time. You’re not weak or out of control; you’re taking advantage of the resources that are available to you.
When the really good food comes out, I invite you to sincerely enjoy it — especially the first few bites. Close your eyes and don’t worry if you look silly. Life is too short to not enjoy food that tastes good.
Finally — and this is only tangentially related — I really think we should mobilize to add Groundhog Day to the arsenal of Sugar Holidays. So long as we are celebrating to foster connection amidst the darkness, we really do need something to cheer for in early February. Right now, early February is when you beat yourself up because you’re not going to the gym enough. I think it should be when we all gather around the Groundhog Band and sing songs about rodents. Just one woman’s opinion.
Love,
Sophie
Add this to your to-do list.
Find a bird who doesn’t mind the winter. Observe them for a full minute. Notice what they do.
Extra credit: find out what kind of bird it is, and draw it.
A drawing.
Here is something I started and will probably never finish. How intriguing!
What’s on my mind this week.
(This will be about new parenthood. Skip it if you don’t want to read about new parenthood.)
5 weeks postpartum.
The main thing I’ve been thinking about this week is our community. Everyone’s heard that it takes a village to raise a child, and I agree with that; but it also takes a village to care for other adults in challenging moments, and that’s been my experience over the past five weeks. There’s no way I’ll be able to write all the thank you cards I ought to write for all the help we’ve received. There was a meal train with dinners every night for a whole month. A team of friends, family, and lovers who came to plant our flower bulbs and mulch our yard. Neighbors who fed the chickens. Mothers-in-law and fathers-in-law and sisters and brothers who babysat for chunks of time, freeing us up to write newsletters and go to therapy. Our roommates (chosen family) who have done more than their share of cleaning. I go to this every-morning Prayer Porch (or, I used to before I gave birth and time stopped having meaning) where women gather to pray and mourn and laugh and eat, and those women stocked our daughter’s drawers with clothes, shoes, blankets, sheets; they threw me the kind of baby shower I thought only happened in movies; they recommended the lactation specialist we went to and helped us work out the insurance. My girlfriend baked us lactation cookies. My coworker filled my car with old bouncers, baby pillows, a play-gym, and trash bags full of outfits. My sister came to town and played video games with me and bought us food. My friend Jen is texting me AS I WRITE THIS with validation about all my feelings: “that makes sense”; “it’s OK to…”; “here was my experience; take it or leave it if it is helpful.”
I feel like this is all coming off braggy, but mostly I’m thinking that I don’t know how people do this without other people; and that we are social animals who like to help one another, and who need one another’s help. I am really looking forward to having the capacity to be on someone else’s long list of people who have helped. I’m introverted, but having this built-family is the thing that has kept me alive — and generally pretty happy — for the past five weeks. (Also, my hormones have treated me well post-partum. I had perinatal depression, so I know that this isn’t a given, or a choice. And that you can have a million people there to help and still feel alienated and alone because your body is throwing brand new, super-weird chemicals at you. Everyone is so, so different.)
Extras.
The Christmas rom-com I watched this week was “A Castle for Christmas” with Brooke Shields. It was EXCELLENT (read: just bad enough but not so bad that it’s offensively bad). It was the movie that made me realize that I really want the female leads in my Christmas movies to be writers. That makes all the difference.
I started playing the app version of Wingspan, and it is maybe even more beautiful than the board game version (the music is lovely, and the birds animate) — and it’s only 10 dollars.
I’m going to try to make 10 of these cookie recipes (there are 24). See? I’m not immune to the Sugar Holidays. I also really love to give cookies away.
Michelle Rial has long been one of my favorites (she makes infographics), and she has some good holiday-themed ones that have made me smile lately.
Also I smile a lot at Niall Breen’s work.
The hashtag #artistvartist is a lot of fun on Instagram.
This Meyers Clean Day scent (IOWA PINE!!!) is the best scent, and you can only buy it this time of year. (I got the candles last year and was underwhelmed. The real magic is in the All Purpose Cleaner. I ordered 10.
I love this!