10 Things: Louisa R-D

A few evergreen suggestions from an intrepid writer who knows how to rest and enjoy life.

A dogwood tree in early May that I saw while on a walk with Louisa and declared was the perfect tree; and she told me she just happened to know the people who lived in the house where this tree bloomed!

From time to time, I hand over the 10 Things reigns to thoughtful writers I love and admire. Louisa reached out a few years ago to tell me that if I ever needed company in going into Lake Michigan, she would always say yes. We never lake dipped, but we took a lovely walk one morning in May, and I daydreamed about a collaboration with her. Now you get to see the result — entirely because of Louisa; I’ve been just kind of lying around while she does all the work. I’m going to publish the whole thing free for all, because all of these are so dang good that everyone deserves to read them.

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As I write this, my electric kettle has just clicked off, hot water ready to become a fresh cup of coffee. I can see leaves on the tree outside my window fluttering in the wind, hear the sound of airplanes soaring above in their muffled foggy way, feel the soft blanket on my lap. I’m in the “defrosting” phase of my morning, recently awake, still in my bathrobe, slowly tuning in to the world around me.

I’ve been a long time admirer of Sophie’s writing and work. I love this internet community, love the comments section, and relish clicking open every email to read the latest You Are Doing a Good Enough Job dispatch. In 2024, I tentatively made my own Substack, making no promises about publishing schedule or topic, but opening the door to honor my desire to share my writing. When Sophie’s state of the union newsletter came out last summer and she mentioned wanting to collaborate more, I felt excited deep in my body and told her I’d be interested.

And boy howdy do I love a list, so here is my offering of 10 Things. I hope wherever you are, these themes of coziness and ease feel right.

1. Make: Soft Gingerbread

If you read “gingerbread” and thought immediately of over-baked, dry gingerbread men cookies or the structurally-sound-but-sometimes-culinarily-lacking gingerbread walls required to construct a gingerbread house, I would understand. I don’t like that kind of gingerbread very much myself. But this? This is different.

In a single bowl, without even needing to melt butter (it uses oil) you can make the world’s softest, coziest soft gingerbread -- perhaps better understood as a fluffy, delicious molasses cake. Mixing it together, you might think that the batter is too runny, that you are making some sort of strange brown soup. Never fear! Pour that soup into the pan and pop it in the oven, and 45 minutes later you will have my favorite dessert in the world. Baking it makes your house smell like Christmas. Serve with whipped cream (required) and enjoy.

2. Buy: clothes that fit your body today

This year, my body has changed more quickly than I’m used to. Two new pairs of jeans from last Christmas are already too tight. As simple as it seems, when I recently bought a pair of jeans that actually fit, it was a revelation. I immediately stopped wearing the too-small jeans, denying the story that they were fine when given a far more comfortable option. Similarly, the pack of underwear I bought that is silky and stretchy is clearly my favorite, and I need to get more.

I like thinking about how exciting it was to get new clothes as a kid, how absolutely normal it was to not be able to wear last year’s pants. As a tall girl, I grew into and out of my mom’s shoe size in a single year and still have wickedly cool stretch marks on my back from growing so quickly in elementary school. Although adulthood body changes happen in less predictable ways, buying clothes that fit today builds trust that I will show up for my body with kindness and compassion, regardless of any changes. And I think all readers of this newsletter can agree that it is simply better to be comfortable.

3. Appreciate: Appliances as beloved roommates

I have lived alone for the last two and a half years, in a cozy one bedroom apartment here in Chicago. I love thinking about the objects in my home that function as essential roommates, showing up for me on days when it can be hard to show up for myself. Top tier roommates on my list? My rice cooker, who can make food for me while I languish on the couch or take a much needed shower. The magic of pressing a button and turning rice + water into a cozy, nourishing base for any meal will never get old. Sharing the podium with Ms. Rice Cooker is my beloved dishwasher. The psychological space provided by being able to tuck dirty dishes away, press a button, and eventually have clean dishes: invaluable. When home maintenance tasks feel onerous or hunger is looming, it is helpful to remember that while I live alone, there are “roommates” here to help.

4. Sing: “worrying has never changed a thing”

mama_nous

A post shared by @mama_nous

Although I am not yet a parent, the Instagram algorithm fully understands my deep desire to be one someday and feeds me daily cute baby content, reels on gentle parenting, and satirical videos about Montessori moms. A recent favorite discovery queued up by the algorithm is the music of mama nous, particularly her song “worrying has never changed a thing”:

Worrying has never changed a thing / so all that I can do is try to bring / a sense of steady calm / til I know what’s going on / ‘cause worrying has never changed a thing

I’ve found myself singing this to myself when I feel my anxiety starting to increase. This works on two levels: (1) it’s a good, grounding message and (2) singing regulates breathing, which allows me to connect back to my body instead of floating off into the anxiety maze of my mind. Mama Nous also has tons of other music that I haven’t yet explored, but imagine parents reading this newsletter might appreciate.

5. Attend: Book talks for authors you admire

I’ve been following Jami Attenberg’s Craft Talk newsletter for a while now - she’s smart and direct and thoughtful about writing and how it fits into our lives, our sense of self, what it can be (you may be familiar with her #1000wordsofsummer project, which is how I first encountered her work).

I went to her book talk about her latest novel, A Reason to See You Again, and it was so interesting and meaningful to be there in person, talking about a book I had just finished and loved. It was a small gathering at Women & Children First; she read a few passages from the book and answered lots of questions. After the talk, I bought her memoir (I Came All This Way to Meet You) and when chatting with Jami felt too shy to admit that I not only wanted to be a writer, but had made a Substack, was already trying to do it in my own small way. She was friendly and calm and signed my copy with an inscription: “Hope this inspires you to write!” It did, and she does, and being in a room of books and people talking about books felt good for the soul. Afterwards, I wandered around Andersonville and called my dad and cried a little because I felt tender and heart-forward and complicated. Not Jami’s fault; if anything, a sign of authenticity and presence helping unlock some feelings that needed to flow.

6. Embrace: new interests, like the WNBA

I didn’t grow up in a sporty family -- we focused on books and musical theater -- but becoming a basketball fan in the last year has been a great joy. Like so many others, it started with March Madness and Caitlin Clark, and then as a Minnesotan I was blessed with a great year for nascent fandom: both the Timberwolves (the “MNBA” as my friends call it) and the Lynx (WNBA) went to the playoffs. How fun, to learn the rules of a new sport! To cheer for powerful, extremely hot, charismatic athletes racing up and down the court! To go to Whiskey Girl tavern with all my friends! Next step: learning about the WNBA’s new off-season 3x3 league, Unrivaled.

7. Relish: New pavement (Sort of Chicago-specific, but could count for anyone!)

If you walk to Lake Michigan from Andersonville and take the Argyle tunnel under Lake Shore Drive, you will notice fresh, smooth, dark pavement. If you bike north on Southport on the stretch between Irving Park Road and Clark Street, you’ll encounter the same. Relishing this “new” (now months-old) pavement reminds me that I am grounded here, that the details of the world around me are meaningful, that smooth pavement is so much better for biking and walking and moving through the world. Thank you to whichever city department made these updates. I didn’t know how much I would care!

8. Track: your speed, with a cycloputer

Last Christmas, my parents gifted me a “cycloputer” -- a small machine attached to my bike that tracks mileage and speed. I’m not a Strava girlie but I do like whizzing along the bike path and calling back to whoever I’m biking with, saying “How fast do you think we’re going??” They never guess right but I wouldn’t either, without a little machine telling me. My top speed (so far) is about 17 mph which feels powerful and exciting.

8. Indulge: get a massage

My friend Chris introduced me to the establishment known as Relax Feet, a reflexology / massage place in Chicago. For $48 (plus a tip - essential) you can get a full body massage + foot scrub. It’s not fully private -- individual tables are set in different stalls instead of completely separate rooms -- but is comfortable, affordable, and feels great. Highly recommend for those in Chicago and I assume similar options exist elsewhere!

10. Watch: “rest vs. rally”

    knomii.coach

    

    A post shared by @knomii.coach

Much of my last decade has been spent trying to figure out the distinction between working hard in a good way and working too hard in a bad way; pushing myself out of ambition vs “shoulds”; the difference between commitments and obligations. This Instagram video from @knomii.coach (Madeline Farquharson) summarized and articulated so many thoughts and conversations I’ve had with friends over the years. Even just the idea that we can choose between rest and rally is a gentle way to think about what to do when faced with resistance or discomfort. The tangible cues she talks about are good signals and reminders for when being in touch with your body feels more challenging. The video also ends with the phrase, “You are your most powerful when you are at choice” which felt like it went zing directly into my heart.

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And with that, you have 10 things! I loved writing this. I’ve been thinking about collaborating with Sophie since August, actually started writing this one day in November (11/17) and finished it a week later (11/24). I’m reviewing and editing it in January, sitting on the same couch as when I started, now watching snow fall and bare tree branches sway in the wind. I’m thinking about what I might make for dinner. I hope you are having a good enough day. You are doing, as Sophie always says, a good enough job.

Love,

Louisa

Who am I? I’m Louisa, a Minnesotan by birth and Chicagoan for the last 11 years. I pay my rent by managing people and projects. Outside of paid work, I’m a volunteer case manager with the Chicago Abortion Fund (join us as a monthly donor!), a year round Lake Michigan appreciator, a good friend, a great date, and an excellent cook. I love to read, dance, take long walks to the Montrose Bird Sanctuary, and host dinner parties.