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Allison's avatar

The parenting paragraph on the difference in your and Luke's feelings about T getting older really resonated with me. I've had the same differences with my partner. Our son AJ just turned 13. At every stage of development, I have felt relieved, while James has felt nostalgic for what was being lost as AJ grew up . We've never really been on the same page about that. I don't mean to sound like I'm projecting our experiences onto yours, but in our particular case, I did a lot of the physical labor of caretaking for AJ - the carrying, the co-sleeping, up in the night, nursing, cutting the food, all the physicality. It was honestly a huge relief for me every time AJ became more developed and more independent. Yes, I enjoyed him as a baby and toddler, but I don't see his development as a loss at all. I find it to be a joy when he can do things on his own and not need to rely on me, and while I may sometimes miss his silly innocence compared to the middle school years, I would never go back. (He can reason now! About talk with me about really interesting things!) I'm not a nostalgic person in general, though, so I'm more excited about all the growth I'm seeing rather than sad for what's being left behind. In talking with J over the years, it's been good for us to have that balance - he can help me remember and appreciate the early years, and I can help him see the positives of the present. So you're not alone in feeling that things are moving at the right pace and not feeling sad about it. That's been my entire parenting experience so far. You're not doing it wrong, just differently!

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Kris K's avatar

I was randomly telling my partner today about my special first holy communion ensemble! Particularly how I had white tights to wear, but I decided I wanted to lotion my legs and accidentally spilled lotion on them, and my mom got really mad at me and we had to switch to my socks with those little lace ruffles. I honestly can't remember the dress. But I do remember a classmate liked to pretend that we were getting married.

Also, the burning makes me think of the beginning of that Stars song Your Ex Lover Is Dead: "When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire."

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