"At midnight, I asked the Lyft driver if he wanted to kiss, and he acted like he hadn’t heard me."
also this:
"We cast my sister’s dog in the role of a hunk, and he did a great job."
BONUS EXCITING NEWS: right after i cut and paste the above wonderful line, i wrote this:
"(please make that into a movie, someone!)"
and then i went back to read the rest of the post
AND WHAT DID I SEE BUT STILLS FROM THE MOVIE YOU MADE
so thank you for granting my wish before i even wished it!
i also love these sentences (and the ones surrounding them):
"Maybe it wasn’t about kissing or drinking or dancing or planning. Maybe it was about burning."
ooh and THIS sentence:
"The letting go tasted different when I did it with people I loved."
it's amazing that you don't remember what you wrote down to let go. IT WORKED!
love,
myq
PS i don't have any specific new year's rituals (though maybe i will implement your "Maybe you will write a poem every New Years’ Day" one).
last year, i was performing at a comedy club and at midnight, i was on stage counting down so people who wanted to drink champagne could do it all together at that time. i like that.
i like doing comedy shows, and i like that new year's eve is often a big night for comedy shows.
this year, i don't currently have any shows scheduled for new year's eve, and i'm looking forward to that as well.
time at home with my girlfriend. probably watching a cozy movie. maybe paddington or paddington 2. have you seen those? THEY ARE INCREDIBLE.
i'll be with my girlfriend who i love and that will be wonderful.
and probably i'll talk to my friend zach who lives in LA, maybe when the year shifts for me but not for him. we did that one recent year, i think. maybe the year before last?
thank you for asking! and thank you for sharing all the false starts, which i think are all true as well. ( we rarely hear about "true starts." i guess because those are just the classic starts we know and love. and now, a true [for now] end.)
PPS i guess that true [for now] end wasn't a true end for very long... just wanted to add i LOVE the mindfully eating hippo cartoon! thank you okay the end maybe now!
I think I reply to all your pieces with this phrase, but here we go again: I love this so much!
Two initial thoughts:
1) I'm not religious, but I'm really drawn to churches - the spaces are lovely, and I love the idea of the community there. I've been toying with the idea of seeing if I can join a church just for the routine/ritual and the people, but I'm still thinking about it. I love this line - "I was in the habit of going to this Unitarian Church by myself up in the suburbs" - not sure what your situation is re religion, but it feels familiar to me, even if I haven't done it yet.
2) When I was younger, I found old love letters from the person I dated when I was 13/14, and I didn't want them any more. I burnt them with a friend, and it was cathartic. Your Hogmanay tradition feels similar, but probably full of less teenage angst!
My partner and I have tried to make our own Hogmanay traditions, and we've found two we really like so far.
One is having a nice dinner together and sitting and writing some lists of things we'd like to do in the new year, which then live on the fridge all year. There are four short lists, one of places we'd like to eat, places we'd like to visit, places we'd like to walk, and activities to do together. There are 12 things on each of these lists, ideally one for each month. The bigger list is habits that we'd like to take into the new year, more like your traditional resolutions. I've just spoken to him about this, and think we might be writing a list of things we'll be keeping in 2022 this year!
The second one is getting up really early, cycling to a hill, and watching the first sunrise of the new year. It's absolutely lovely, and I'm really looking forward to it this year. We've just moved, so are still working out where the best place to watch the sunrise will be, but I'm so excited, and really glad we started doing it.
I love the idea that you can celebrate things in a way that works for you, it's something I'm going to try carry with me as much as I can. Thank you again for a lovely newsletter.
I don't know why but I found this issue hilarious, maybe because I am a 74 year old woman, and although my short term memory is playing hide and seek once in a while, my long term memory is better than ever, and for the life of me I can't remember ever even going to a New Year's Party. Once I went to Times Square and that was fun, but I am pretty sure I have never kissed an unknown person or a crush on New Year's. I never really understood New Year's until I lived in Japan, and Eastern New Years are something else. But we've got Christmas for that, especially if you're not Christian. Oh well. Furthermore, how many Erins have worn a sequinned dress or tulle. I dig fireworks though. Happy New Year everyone. Bah, humbug.
Thanks Sophie for sharing your candid thoughts about NYE. I also like the ritual of burning something - it feels like a sort of completion. My favorite New Year’s Eve memory was a few years ago when I still lived in Tampa Florida. My housemate and I decided to have a New Year’s Eve afternoon potluck party instead of the typical party-til-midnight tradition because neither of us are late night people. We invited friends, including their children (most were school age) and anyone who wanted a low key afternoon. Some of our friends brought other friends who then became our new friends and we all had a memorable gathering with a blazing fire in a fire bowl on our front lawn (Which is definitely not typical in the historic neighborhoods of South Tampa -😱 - some old school folks would regard it as a ‘white trash’ gathering) One of our guests, who became a new friend was a tall elegant Senegalese woman who was working on her masters degree in environmental engineering at USF. She really stood out at our party; a Muslim wearing a hajib, at one point in the afternoon she asked permission to step away from the party to pray in one of our bedrooms. Later she then came out to join the gathering and in the light of our great front lawn fire took our breath away as she recited some of her amazing poems. Another friend started a game of cards with the kids and taught them how to play poker. It was the most delightful long relaxing afternoon of grazing on good food, enjoying interesting conversations and cultivating old and new friendships. It’s definitely my favorite NYE in recent memory. Although I currently live alone in a small apartment and have not made any plans to go anywhere I’ll find some way to burn something on New Year’s Eve, somewhere, maybe even on my little balcony. I’ll start with sparklers !
Love this. “So much of any year is flammable.” So true. I usually do “The Year Compass” which is free and you keep the ones from the year before and review them and write a new one on NYD, not NYE.
I know the beautiful NYE party (from When Harry Met Sally or whatever else culturally) doesn’t exist but it’s SO NICE to hear that thought corroborated. I’ve definitely worn dresses with sequins and tried to manifest the beautiful NYE and it didn’t happen. It’s nicer to be in a club of people who want the party and aim for the party and miss, than to be not invited to it.
Yay for shared experiences even if they aren’t great!!
I don't have much to say about new years eve, but was your dress so short you had to put on bike shorts underneath? Haha I love it. I have been feeling very middle aged, and contemplate this being my first year where I just go to bed early. My normal activity is watching the ball come down on TV, but it's so hard to not fall asleep on the couch at 9:30pm lately. Actually I do have a story! As a teen, I always thought my parents were such scrooges saying "It's just another day" and going to bed. On Y2K I smashed confetti eggs to celebrate by myself in the living room. I'd been saving them for a special occasion. My mom and I had hollowed out some eggshells and filled them with glitter. We poked a hole at the top, and a larger one at the bottom and I guess blew out the contents, then sealed them up with hot glue. At the stroke of midnight I hurled them up towards the cieling. That was a fun way to make a mess! I figured if not now, when, as we weren't sure if the world would keep going on when the computers crashed!
I’ve had a New Year‘s ritual for the past 27 years or so--and it includes burning!
First, I wrote down as many “bad” or “unfortunate” things from the current year (the one coming to a close) as come to mind. These can be things that happened to me that I don’t like or habits of mine I wish to purge, whatever I want to get rid of. Then I burn this page and flush the ashes to make sure no one will try to read the nasty stuff, and to make sure it’s really gone.
Then I write a letter to myself for the next year--which I then seal in an envelope and will not open until next year at New Year. This letter includes my hopes and plans for the next year, plus just messages to myself about whatever I’m working on, trying to change, etc.
The following year, I can either read the letter from last year first or after writing the new letter--I’m not rigid about that. But I do usually start with burning the bad stuff. 🔥
This year we're able to have our favourite New Year's gathering again. My husband, our kids, and I are at my family's cottage with old friends of ours who have kids the same age. We spend time truly relaxing after Christmas, going for walks, taking naps, and making bonfires.
Then on the 31st we put the kids to bed, and munch on an enormous charcuterie board in front of the fireplace in our pajamas.
Rather than resolutions, we've been answering the questions:
What do you want less of next year?
What do you want more of next year?
What do you want to leave behind in the old year?
What do you want to bring forward into the new year?
We do the count-down to midnight, toast with one last glass of sparkling wine, and then go to bed at 12:05. It's perfect!
I too am a burner of things on NYE. I’ve only done this twice but instigated it both times. (I am also UU, so maybe I’m predisposed?) Instead of writing what we want to leave or let go of--though that is an option--the instructions are broader: write your wishes for the upcoming year. The burning wasn’t necessarily as a way to get rid of these wishes but to transform them, from one kind of energy to another, letting them rise into the dark to mingle with the universe--I always do my burning outside.
That said, I like the intention of letting go that you offer, as it feels like less pressure.
Growing up I always ate black-eyed peas, and still love my family’s recipe. But my wife isn’t a huge fan, though she has “suffered” them with corn bread the last few years. Maybe this will be the first year in a while that I don’t make them. I don’t have all the stuff, currently, and I don’t have plans to go to a store...so I could just not go.
I am all year, but something about the turn of the year feels symbolic and calls for more.
I have this ritual wherein everyone else leaves the house for one party or another, and I run a bath, light some candles, pour myself some wine, and reread my journal from the past year. It’s a kind of emotional exhumation, and people often remark they “would never do that to themselves” ... but it feels really cathartic for me and I love to remember (and cringe) at where I’ve been throughout the year.
I will add that my partner and I don’t necessarily believe in the supposed power of new year’s, mainly for the reason that January almost always feels like a shitshow extension of the previous year. We feel there’s something to the timing of Chinese New Year, which is around the end of January. I think that’s when it really *feels* like a new year, or maybe it’s just broken in enough.
dear sophie,
thank you (as always!) for sharing.
i love all of this.
something i love VERY much:
"At midnight, I asked the Lyft driver if he wanted to kiss, and he acted like he hadn’t heard me."
also this:
"We cast my sister’s dog in the role of a hunk, and he did a great job."
BONUS EXCITING NEWS: right after i cut and paste the above wonderful line, i wrote this:
"(please make that into a movie, someone!)"
and then i went back to read the rest of the post
AND WHAT DID I SEE BUT STILLS FROM THE MOVIE YOU MADE
so thank you for granting my wish before i even wished it!
i also love these sentences (and the ones surrounding them):
"Maybe it wasn’t about kissing or drinking or dancing or planning. Maybe it was about burning."
ooh and THIS sentence:
"The letting go tasted different when I did it with people I loved."
it's amazing that you don't remember what you wrote down to let go. IT WORKED!
love,
myq
PS i don't have any specific new year's rituals (though maybe i will implement your "Maybe you will write a poem every New Years’ Day" one).
last year, i was performing at a comedy club and at midnight, i was on stage counting down so people who wanted to drink champagne could do it all together at that time. i like that.
i like doing comedy shows, and i like that new year's eve is often a big night for comedy shows.
this year, i don't currently have any shows scheduled for new year's eve, and i'm looking forward to that as well.
time at home with my girlfriend. probably watching a cozy movie. maybe paddington or paddington 2. have you seen those? THEY ARE INCREDIBLE.
i'll be with my girlfriend who i love and that will be wonderful.
and probably i'll talk to my friend zach who lives in LA, maybe when the year shifts for me but not for him. we did that one recent year, i think. maybe the year before last?
thank you for asking! and thank you for sharing all the false starts, which i think are all true as well. ( we rarely hear about "true starts." i guess because those are just the classic starts we know and love. and now, a true [for now] end.)
PPS i guess that true [for now] end wasn't a true end for very long... just wanted to add i LOVE the mindfully eating hippo cartoon! thank you okay the end maybe now!
I think I reply to all your pieces with this phrase, but here we go again: I love this so much!
Two initial thoughts:
1) I'm not religious, but I'm really drawn to churches - the spaces are lovely, and I love the idea of the community there. I've been toying with the idea of seeing if I can join a church just for the routine/ritual and the people, but I'm still thinking about it. I love this line - "I was in the habit of going to this Unitarian Church by myself up in the suburbs" - not sure what your situation is re religion, but it feels familiar to me, even if I haven't done it yet.
2) When I was younger, I found old love letters from the person I dated when I was 13/14, and I didn't want them any more. I burnt them with a friend, and it was cathartic. Your Hogmanay tradition feels similar, but probably full of less teenage angst!
My partner and I have tried to make our own Hogmanay traditions, and we've found two we really like so far.
One is having a nice dinner together and sitting and writing some lists of things we'd like to do in the new year, which then live on the fridge all year. There are four short lists, one of places we'd like to eat, places we'd like to visit, places we'd like to walk, and activities to do together. There are 12 things on each of these lists, ideally one for each month. The bigger list is habits that we'd like to take into the new year, more like your traditional resolutions. I've just spoken to him about this, and think we might be writing a list of things we'll be keeping in 2022 this year!
The second one is getting up really early, cycling to a hill, and watching the first sunrise of the new year. It's absolutely lovely, and I'm really looking forward to it this year. We've just moved, so are still working out where the best place to watch the sunrise will be, but I'm so excited, and really glad we started doing it.
I love the idea that you can celebrate things in a way that works for you, it's something I'm going to try carry with me as much as I can. Thank you again for a lovely newsletter.
I don't know why but I found this issue hilarious, maybe because I am a 74 year old woman, and although my short term memory is playing hide and seek once in a while, my long term memory is better than ever, and for the life of me I can't remember ever even going to a New Year's Party. Once I went to Times Square and that was fun, but I am pretty sure I have never kissed an unknown person or a crush on New Year's. I never really understood New Year's until I lived in Japan, and Eastern New Years are something else. But we've got Christmas for that, especially if you're not Christian. Oh well. Furthermore, how many Erins have worn a sequinned dress or tulle. I dig fireworks though. Happy New Year everyone. Bah, humbug.
Yes to burning.
Yes to a paid subscription.
Yes to great writing ❤️
Thanks Sophie for sharing your candid thoughts about NYE. I also like the ritual of burning something - it feels like a sort of completion. My favorite New Year’s Eve memory was a few years ago when I still lived in Tampa Florida. My housemate and I decided to have a New Year’s Eve afternoon potluck party instead of the typical party-til-midnight tradition because neither of us are late night people. We invited friends, including their children (most were school age) and anyone who wanted a low key afternoon. Some of our friends brought other friends who then became our new friends and we all had a memorable gathering with a blazing fire in a fire bowl on our front lawn (Which is definitely not typical in the historic neighborhoods of South Tampa -😱 - some old school folks would regard it as a ‘white trash’ gathering) One of our guests, who became a new friend was a tall elegant Senegalese woman who was working on her masters degree in environmental engineering at USF. She really stood out at our party; a Muslim wearing a hajib, at one point in the afternoon she asked permission to step away from the party to pray in one of our bedrooms. Later she then came out to join the gathering and in the light of our great front lawn fire took our breath away as she recited some of her amazing poems. Another friend started a game of cards with the kids and taught them how to play poker. It was the most delightful long relaxing afternoon of grazing on good food, enjoying interesting conversations and cultivating old and new friendships. It’s definitely my favorite NYE in recent memory. Although I currently live alone in a small apartment and have not made any plans to go anywhere I’ll find some way to burn something on New Year’s Eve, somewhere, maybe even on my little balcony. I’ll start with sparklers !
Love this. “So much of any year is flammable.” So true. I usually do “The Year Compass” which is free and you keep the ones from the year before and review them and write a new one on NYD, not NYE.
I’m all about the day Vs the Eve.
Another appropriate Swift song- Just another Picture To Burn
I know the beautiful NYE party (from When Harry Met Sally or whatever else culturally) doesn’t exist but it’s SO NICE to hear that thought corroborated. I’ve definitely worn dresses with sequins and tried to manifest the beautiful NYE and it didn’t happen. It’s nicer to be in a club of people who want the party and aim for the party and miss, than to be not invited to it.
Yay for shared experiences even if they aren’t great!!
I don't have much to say about new years eve, but was your dress so short you had to put on bike shorts underneath? Haha I love it. I have been feeling very middle aged, and contemplate this being my first year where I just go to bed early. My normal activity is watching the ball come down on TV, but it's so hard to not fall asleep on the couch at 9:30pm lately. Actually I do have a story! As a teen, I always thought my parents were such scrooges saying "It's just another day" and going to bed. On Y2K I smashed confetti eggs to celebrate by myself in the living room. I'd been saving them for a special occasion. My mom and I had hollowed out some eggshells and filled them with glitter. We poked a hole at the top, and a larger one at the bottom and I guess blew out the contents, then sealed them up with hot glue. At the stroke of midnight I hurled them up towards the cieling. That was a fun way to make a mess! I figured if not now, when, as we weren't sure if the world would keep going on when the computers crashed!
Not NYE, but NYD, a lucky food potluck. The bringer of each dish defines its luckiness.
I love this idea of letting something go for the New Year. It feels so fresh and special. thank you for sharing!
I’ve had a New Year‘s ritual for the past 27 years or so--and it includes burning!
First, I wrote down as many “bad” or “unfortunate” things from the current year (the one coming to a close) as come to mind. These can be things that happened to me that I don’t like or habits of mine I wish to purge, whatever I want to get rid of. Then I burn this page and flush the ashes to make sure no one will try to read the nasty stuff, and to make sure it’s really gone.
Then I write a letter to myself for the next year--which I then seal in an envelope and will not open until next year at New Year. This letter includes my hopes and plans for the next year, plus just messages to myself about whatever I’m working on, trying to change, etc.
The following year, I can either read the letter from last year first or after writing the new letter--I’m not rigid about that. But I do usually start with burning the bad stuff. 🔥
This year we're able to have our favourite New Year's gathering again. My husband, our kids, and I are at my family's cottage with old friends of ours who have kids the same age. We spend time truly relaxing after Christmas, going for walks, taking naps, and making bonfires.
Then on the 31st we put the kids to bed, and munch on an enormous charcuterie board in front of the fireplace in our pajamas.
Rather than resolutions, we've been answering the questions:
What do you want less of next year?
What do you want more of next year?
What do you want to leave behind in the old year?
What do you want to bring forward into the new year?
We do the count-down to midnight, toast with one last glass of sparkling wine, and then go to bed at 12:05. It's perfect!
I too am a burner of things on NYE. I’ve only done this twice but instigated it both times. (I am also UU, so maybe I’m predisposed?) Instead of writing what we want to leave or let go of--though that is an option--the instructions are broader: write your wishes for the upcoming year. The burning wasn’t necessarily as a way to get rid of these wishes but to transform them, from one kind of energy to another, letting them rise into the dark to mingle with the universe--I always do my burning outside.
That said, I like the intention of letting go that you offer, as it feels like less pressure.
Growing up I always ate black-eyed peas, and still love my family’s recipe. But my wife isn’t a huge fan, though she has “suffered” them with corn bread the last few years. Maybe this will be the first year in a while that I don’t make them. I don’t have all the stuff, currently, and I don’t have plans to go to a store...so I could just not go.
I get deeply reflective on NYE.
I am all year, but something about the turn of the year feels symbolic and calls for more.
I have this ritual wherein everyone else leaves the house for one party or another, and I run a bath, light some candles, pour myself some wine, and reread my journal from the past year. It’s a kind of emotional exhumation, and people often remark they “would never do that to themselves” ... but it feels really cathartic for me and I love to remember (and cringe) at where I’ve been throughout the year.
I will add that my partner and I don’t necessarily believe in the supposed power of new year’s, mainly for the reason that January almost always feels like a shitshow extension of the previous year. We feel there’s something to the timing of Chinese New Year, which is around the end of January. I think that’s when it really *feels* like a new year, or maybe it’s just broken in enough.