Clearly, the fact that people were upset about your ideas shows that the socialization of folks to help put on other people's events is strong and deep. I have zero expectations for others to help put on my event, unless it is agreed upon beforehand that it is a collaborative effort, and I hope they extend the same to me. I also think that forced gaiety and forced time together can be as difficult and problematic as forced hugs. I may be a little salty today...
Idk that I’ve ever hosted a Dinner Party. I like the idea but lack the energy. But I have often had friends come over for homemade pizza - I provide the dough and the cheese and guests bring a topping. It’s fun and tasty and not too much work for anyone. Some friends and I were also doing a soup night, where one person made soup, someone else made/brought bread or crackers and the rest of us brought appetizers and/or drinks.
I am currently struggling because I miss this, but I really don’t want to get Covid (at least not more times than I have to) & I’ve been really struggling w figuring out the relative pros and cons. I’m an extroverted introvert and am content w my partner and my pupper for company. But I know that these nights w friends make me really happy and fulfilled in a way I forget about when it’s been a while. But is a night of socializing worth a potentially life-altering infection?? Idk!
And I’m not judging folks for going to/hosting dinner parties. We all have different needs and different risk tolerances. Just something that’s been on my mind a lot.
I really need to work on the communicating my needs part.
Part of the reason I don’t enjoy myself at a large meal event is because I’m unhappy because I’m trying to be someone/do something I’m not comfortable with.
And I’m not sure how my family would react to me telling them what I need. Would they see it as some kind of guidelines or restrictions I’m putting on their celebration/dinner?
(I mean it kind of is, but it’s not really about them, technically.)
Great post - I was particularly fascinated by the reactionary Instagramming! I'm not an accomplished hostess, nor indeed accomplished guest (and we're not socialising at all in the current germscape, so guess who's going to have to learn from scratch about the big wide world again one of these days?). I'm so glad to have read your wise words on how to deal with some aspects of what for some of us is a total minefield!
My dad loves to remind us “don’t SHOULD all over yourself.” It’s always a chuckle-worthy reminder that should can be a guilt-informed word. If you substitute with could, would, or want to your sentences might have more space for you to be true to yourself. This feels particularly relevant in etiquetteland.
Clearly, the fact that people were upset about your ideas shows that the socialization of folks to help put on other people's events is strong and deep. I have zero expectations for others to help put on my event, unless it is agreed upon beforehand that it is a collaborative effort, and I hope they extend the same to me. I also think that forced gaiety and forced time together can be as difficult and problematic as forced hugs. I may be a little salty today...
Idk that I’ve ever hosted a Dinner Party. I like the idea but lack the energy. But I have often had friends come over for homemade pizza - I provide the dough and the cheese and guests bring a topping. It’s fun and tasty and not too much work for anyone. Some friends and I were also doing a soup night, where one person made soup, someone else made/brought bread or crackers and the rest of us brought appetizers and/or drinks.
I am currently struggling because I miss this, but I really don’t want to get Covid (at least not more times than I have to) & I’ve been really struggling w figuring out the relative pros and cons. I’m an extroverted introvert and am content w my partner and my pupper for company. But I know that these nights w friends make me really happy and fulfilled in a way I forget about when it’s been a while. But is a night of socializing worth a potentially life-altering infection?? Idk!
And I’m not judging folks for going to/hosting dinner parties. We all have different needs and different risk tolerances. Just something that’s been on my mind a lot.
I really need to work on the communicating my needs part.
Part of the reason I don’t enjoy myself at a large meal event is because I’m unhappy because I’m trying to be someone/do something I’m not comfortable with.
And I’m not sure how my family would react to me telling them what I need. Would they see it as some kind of guidelines or restrictions I’m putting on their celebration/dinner?
(I mean it kind of is, but it’s not really about them, technically.)
I don’t disagree with the thing about the asparagus.
I may start doing this!
Great post - I was particularly fascinated by the reactionary Instagramming! I'm not an accomplished hostess, nor indeed accomplished guest (and we're not socialising at all in the current germscape, so guess who's going to have to learn from scratch about the big wide world again one of these days?). I'm so glad to have read your wise words on how to deal with some aspects of what for some of us is a total minefield!
My dad loves to remind us “don’t SHOULD all over yourself.” It’s always a chuckle-worthy reminder that should can be a guilt-informed word. If you substitute with could, would, or want to your sentences might have more space for you to be true to yourself. This feels particularly relevant in etiquetteland.
dear sophie,
thank you as always for this as for all thisses.
i also love "here is how we show that we care about each other."
and vegetables in muffins!
thank you for showing up here.
love,
myq