Resonating a lot with this one today. I am also a parent of a kid under 5. He's 4. I have to say, it has gotten SO MUCH easier now that he is 4. To use your metaphor, we are able to get to the other lake sometimes! Like, a day trip there! We took him tubing for the first time last week. I am taking art classes! I started a new hobby (sewing!) All of this feels possible because he is bigger and more independent than ever before.
We have also been building a LOT of sandcastles this year, and this is the first year that he doesn't IMMEDIATELY destroy everything that I make. I have even held his attention for .2 seconds to show him how you have to slowly lift and tap the molds to ease out the sand. But mostly he still likes to destroy them. The last sand castle we built together he was really into pouring a little bit of water on the top and getting the drippy effect on the top and down the sides of the castle. "Isn't it beautiful mama?!" He kept asking me. And it was kind of annoying but also kind of beautiful too!
OK and I've been waiting for awhile to say this and it's not even in this post but MY GOD T's ART IS INCREDIBLE. And like, far beyond what any child her age is typically capable of. You are right to be proud and amazed by it - I am too! My kid has absolutely no interest in drawing, so I am quite impressed.
Hope you feel better soon! We all got norovirus in February and it was the WORST. <3
Wait, Katie, thank you so much! This comment is such a gift, and so are you. Thank you for telling me about your sand castles, thank you for sharing about your experience, and thank you on T's behalf re: her art! Norovirus is indeed the worst, but you are the best.
You are such a talented writer and artist, I love your work. Thank you for sharing it. (My children are grown and I am still tethered to that lake!) xx
thank you for this beautiful piece, as always. here are a few gems that leapt out at me:
"Any time we can give ourselves to each other is nothing short of a miracle, and it should be treated as the exception rather than the rule."
"The cliche is: it’s not the destination, it’s the journey. The cliche does a bad job of acknowledging how nonlinear the journey is"
"We keep building, knowing full well that nothing is permanent, that tragedy is inevitable, that things will hurt, that even the stoniest walls will eventually crumble. There’s no knowing why, and I often believe the not knowing is the point. But anyway, I want you to know that I appreciate your building. I appreciate your trusting that a sand castle is a thing that should exist."
Myq, thanks so much for collecting these wonderful quotes - for reflecting back how full of wise nuggets this post it. I think the cliche one is my favorite. So nonlinear is life!!
the first two years of our child’s life were the hardest years we’ve ever had. that time almost killed us, and that may sound over the top but it’s true. i am so grateful that we all survived and have made it to now. kiddo’s 8 and he’s a joy. he’s been a joy the whole time honestly, he’s such a bright spirit. i’m glad we’re where we are now, but parenting is no joke. sending much love to you and T and your whole loving family.
I've been working on a sand castle REALLY HARD for months and it got toppled yesterday. Feeling devastated today. Very "why me" vibes. Thank you for putting it all into perspective and helping me feel less alone. I love you Sophie!
LILLI NO! I'm so sorry to hear about your sand castle. I am not sure if you mean a literal one or a figurative one, but I'm so sorry to hear this and I love you.
I'm sorry you've been sick, Sophie, and hope you are feeling better soon. I love the lake analogy. I felt this acutely once - the feeling that plans were impossible, anything even a few hours in the future was like sand, and it was utterly distressing and unmooring. But it does pass! We visit the other lake regularly now! It will get easier. ❤️ Thank you for this lovely post, and rest up!!!
This morning we put my gentle old pit mix pup to sleep. I’ve been preparing for years but it still surprised and is stinging in ways I hadn’t expected. He’s been slowing down in stages- developing gastro issues, a torn ccl, arthritis. Every time there’s been a change- I’ve been at sea, finding the right care, researching, preparing myself for the eventual end. I’ve had a wonderful vet who has seen us through so many ups and downs- who literally laid on the floor with him and held him when he had to stay at the hospital. Last year, my partner of 14 years and I almost split- following a betrayal and then a carjacking that sent both of us to our separate corners- too traumatized to know how to talk to each other. Lincoln howled when we argued. He stayed at mare’s side when I had to stay at a friend’s house to find a way to peace. He welcomed me home with kisses when I moved back in the house in May. He has seen my partner and me through so much. I can’t tell you how grateful I am. And also how tethered to home and to him I’ve felt for so long. I’ve been so involved and now I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m scared and sick and sad. And I have to have surgery tomorrow and will miss my best nurse. Really feeling lost today. Thank you for this essay. It feels resonant.
Sending so much love. And hoping you feel a little less lost each day. It may only be a really little bit I know. They are family. And hold our hearts. And it's sounds like yours did a wonderful job at that while he was with you.
Jessica, I'm so sorry. I don't know what is harder than putting a pet to sleep -- there are probably things, but they are few. I hope every day is a little easier. I am sending you so much love.
You know, Elizabeth, I DIDN'T EVEN TRY! I fed the buns to the chickens. Which is not good chicken parenting, I know that, please don't @ me, it wasn't all of them.
I feel this so deeply! Firstly the lack of good relational terms!! There’s no good word for my polyam partner who is now a platonic partner but not an ex boyfriend or a best friend. He’s more than that - he’s family! It’s weird thinking about how much I need a term for him but also why it matters for others to know that “close friend” doesn’t capture the bigness of who he is in the lives of my husband and me and our kid.
Secondly - currently potty training and physically limited movement due to the constraints of a 2.5 yr olds bladder control.
The book “Oh Crap!” was the lynchpin to this whole potty training operation. I had so much anxiety about this part of child rearing but thanks to The Book and my kiddo’s amazing brain we did it in three weeks! Wahoo!
Resonating a lot with this one today. I am also a parent of a kid under 5. He's 4. I have to say, it has gotten SO MUCH easier now that he is 4. To use your metaphor, we are able to get to the other lake sometimes! Like, a day trip there! We took him tubing for the first time last week. I am taking art classes! I started a new hobby (sewing!) All of this feels possible because he is bigger and more independent than ever before.
We have also been building a LOT of sandcastles this year, and this is the first year that he doesn't IMMEDIATELY destroy everything that I make. I have even held his attention for .2 seconds to show him how you have to slowly lift and tap the molds to ease out the sand. But mostly he still likes to destroy them. The last sand castle we built together he was really into pouring a little bit of water on the top and getting the drippy effect on the top and down the sides of the castle. "Isn't it beautiful mama?!" He kept asking me. And it was kind of annoying but also kind of beautiful too!
OK and I've been waiting for awhile to say this and it's not even in this post but MY GOD T's ART IS INCREDIBLE. And like, far beyond what any child her age is typically capable of. You are right to be proud and amazed by it - I am too! My kid has absolutely no interest in drawing, so I am quite impressed.
Hope you feel better soon! We all got norovirus in February and it was the WORST. <3
Wait, Katie, thank you so much! This comment is such a gift, and so are you. Thank you for telling me about your sand castles, thank you for sharing about your experience, and thank you on T's behalf re: her art! Norovirus is indeed the worst, but you are the best.
This is a beautiful piece and I hope you feel better soon 💙
Thanks, Kris!
You are such a talented writer and artist, I love your work. Thank you for sharing it. (My children are grown and I am still tethered to that lake!) xx
Thank you, Fiona! I hear that it doesn't get easier, just different. Sending love!
dear sophie,
thank you for this beautiful piece, as always. here are a few gems that leapt out at me:
"Any time we can give ourselves to each other is nothing short of a miracle, and it should be treated as the exception rather than the rule."
"The cliche is: it’s not the destination, it’s the journey. The cliche does a bad job of acknowledging how nonlinear the journey is"
"We keep building, knowing full well that nothing is permanent, that tragedy is inevitable, that things will hurt, that even the stoniest walls will eventually crumble. There’s no knowing why, and I often believe the not knowing is the point. But anyway, I want you to know that I appreciate your building. I appreciate your trusting that a sand castle is a thing that should exist."
thank you for YOUR sandcastle!
love
myq
Myq, thanks so much for collecting these wonderful quotes - for reflecting back how full of wise nuggets this post it. I think the cliche one is my favorite. So nonlinear is life!!
thank YOU, brianne!
so nonlinear is life indeed!
when a post is so full of rich gems, i always enjoy picking out a few to share, to relive for myself and also for others, such as yourself here!
thanks again!
This is a real gift you give to me, and I appreciate it.
THIS is a real gift YOU give to ME, and I appreciate IT!
the first two years of our child’s life were the hardest years we’ve ever had. that time almost killed us, and that may sound over the top but it’s true. i am so grateful that we all survived and have made it to now. kiddo’s 8 and he’s a joy. he’s been a joy the whole time honestly, he’s such a bright spirit. i’m glad we’re where we are now, but parenting is no joke. sending much love to you and T and your whole loving family.
Your 8-year-old IS a joy. I feel lucky to have met him online! Thank you for sending the love and for bringing your self.
I've been working on a sand castle REALLY HARD for months and it got toppled yesterday. Feeling devastated today. Very "why me" vibes. Thank you for putting it all into perspective and helping me feel less alone. I love you Sophie!
LILLI NO! I'm so sorry to hear about your sand castle. I am not sure if you mean a literal one or a figurative one, but I'm so sorry to hear this and I love you.
I'm sorry you've been sick, Sophie, and hope you are feeling better soon. I love the lake analogy. I felt this acutely once - the feeling that plans were impossible, anything even a few hours in the future was like sand, and it was utterly distressing and unmooring. But it does pass! We visit the other lake regularly now! It will get easier. ❤️ Thank you for this lovely post, and rest up!!!
It will get easier. I'll try to remember. Thanks, Brianne!
This morning we put my gentle old pit mix pup to sleep. I’ve been preparing for years but it still surprised and is stinging in ways I hadn’t expected. He’s been slowing down in stages- developing gastro issues, a torn ccl, arthritis. Every time there’s been a change- I’ve been at sea, finding the right care, researching, preparing myself for the eventual end. I’ve had a wonderful vet who has seen us through so many ups and downs- who literally laid on the floor with him and held him when he had to stay at the hospital. Last year, my partner of 14 years and I almost split- following a betrayal and then a carjacking that sent both of us to our separate corners- too traumatized to know how to talk to each other. Lincoln howled when we argued. He stayed at mare’s side when I had to stay at a friend’s house to find a way to peace. He welcomed me home with kisses when I moved back in the house in May. He has seen my partner and me through so much. I can’t tell you how grateful I am. And also how tethered to home and to him I’ve felt for so long. I’ve been so involved and now I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m scared and sick and sad. And I have to have surgery tomorrow and will miss my best nurse. Really feeling lost today. Thank you for this essay. It feels resonant.
Sending so much love. And hoping you feel a little less lost each day. It may only be a really little bit I know. They are family. And hold our hearts. And it's sounds like yours did a wonderful job at that while he was with you.
Thank you ❤️
Jessica, I'm so sorry. I don't know what is harder than putting a pet to sleep -- there are probably things, but they are few. I hope every day is a little easier. I am sending you so much love.
I've never thought about the beautiful, ephemeral nature of sandcastles before!
were you able to make bread pudding from hot dog buns?
You know, Elizabeth, I DIDN'T EVEN TRY! I fed the buns to the chickens. Which is not good chicken parenting, I know that, please don't @ me, it wasn't all of them.
you're ok! haha
I feel this so deeply! Firstly the lack of good relational terms!! There’s no good word for my polyam partner who is now a platonic partner but not an ex boyfriend or a best friend. He’s more than that - he’s family! It’s weird thinking about how much I need a term for him but also why it matters for others to know that “close friend” doesn’t capture the bigness of who he is in the lives of my husband and me and our kid.
Secondly - currently potty training and physically limited movement due to the constraints of a 2.5 yr olds bladder control.
Wow our kiddos are the same age and we are thinking about starting potty training too. YIKES. Sending love to you. Thank you always for sharing!
The book “Oh Crap!” was the lynchpin to this whole potty training operation. I had so much anxiety about this part of child rearing but thanks to The Book and my kiddo’s amazing brain we did it in three weeks! Wahoo!